I am beautiful because…
...this is hard to write on a piece of paper. I am happy with who I am most days and where I am at this moment with my children and business. One of the most defeating things for me is being a stay-at-home mom. It wasn’t my choice to be in this position. My children were born 14 months apart and daycare was too expensive to even consider. I was laid off by the property management company for whom I worked. My family has been on unemployment, WIC, and SNAP. Wow, I just wrote that! How embarrassing to see that in on paper! I feel like a failure as a mother and a person!
At one time, I had big dreams to be someone so much more. I struggle daily to find the balance between being a mom and being Denita. It’s the hardest journey of my life. I have no friends and often times feel completely trapped in this thing that is stay-at-home mommyhood. There are days I just want to give up and walk away. When I look at others, their lives look so beautiful and I think, what did I do wrong? Being a stay-at-home mom is a very lonely thing.
Sewing for my children and myself has given me an outlet to express myself. In a way, to show my inner beauty! To help me regain my confidence. To help regain my self-esteem. To help me realize that things in life are situational. That everything will be ok.
I have learned that it is ok to be judged by others. I have learned that you have be ok with who you are no matter what. I have learned that just because the cover is pretty, it doesn't mean the inside is pretty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty is skin deep. Often times, I stand in the mirror and analyze every lump, bump and curve. BUT, I’ve come to the realization that I AM BEAUTIFUL because my sons love me! My boys don’t see all the body imperfections. They don’t see the past financial woes. They don’t see the food stamps or WIC. My boys only see me! They don’t see the internal struggle. They don’t see all the things that are wrong with the world. They don’t see their mother as a failure!
I am beautiful because I am Denita, I am Rhett’s mama, I am Derrick’s mama, I am Dominic’s mama. Now matter how I see myself, the eyes of the boys I gave birth to are the only ones that matter! Every stretch mark, extra pound of baby weight, every bad hair day, every sleepless night, every moment on public assistance, every minute of lack of self-esteem, every single “discomfort” truly means nothing in the scheme of life. My boys only see me...mama.
So to answer the statement:
I am beautiful because... I am loved unconditionally!
Why did I choose the swimsuits?
I chose Jocole’s Shoreline Tank, Mix & Match Racerback Bodice, and Basic Bottoms. These are easy layerable pieces that most women will have in their arsenal. The Basic Bottoms can easily be modified to high waist, low waist, boyshort or hipster. The Racerback Bodice is apart of the Mix and Match series. The Shoreline Tank is a super quick sew. My thought process in choosing these pieces was the Shoreline Tank is most similar to the swimsuits I’d purchase in a store. The main difference would be that a store purchased swimsuit would have a skirted bottom. I have learned a lot about dressing my pear shape and now know this was the wrong approach. I stuck with the Shoreline Tank because that is my comfort size and decided to take a leap of faith with the Racerback Bodice.
Never, ever had I worn a two piece swimsuit! I’ve always tried to cover myself. Here I am, for the first time ever, wearing a two piece. Proud to show the stretch marks that are the “battle scars” of birthing 3 babies in 14 months. The twin pooch only moms of multiples understand. The “thunder” thighs that I’m working to tone. The “birthing” hips and big bottom that turn heads. And me, just me!
All fabric is Girl Charlee! All from a recent bargain lot sale. The fabric was random and perfect for this challenge. I was forced to think outside the box on creating something special for me!
My challenge to you is to first answer the statement “I am beautiful because…” Then make or do something outside of your comfort zone. Look in the mirror and say “I love me for me!” Make a positive change to embrace the things that make you...YOU!! Remember each woman on Earth different. Each woman on Earth has her own internal and external battle scars.
Until next time….
“It’s not about the sewing….oh, yes it is!”